tired~

every day class will sarted at 1030 till 430 pm...pergh penat gler ar...tmbh nk wat edu biz nie lg..

nk bantu ank2 bgsa sndri..but 1 thing i cant understand parent yg sebangsa ngan ak sndri x maw tlg ank2 depa..

its ok if dun have money, but parents that live in wealthy dun look at dis opportunity..huh~(sighs)

tired2 n tired..i dun get it...i cant release my self for being tired...thinking of someone else feelings n my self? 

no one take care of my self... wuteva...mls nk pk ag....wat eva it is, i want to achieve n do what i want..

i just want to scream ryte nw, but it is not the way... ehmm...got to go to class...nyway im not in my mood ryte nw..someone spoilt it..

penink~

ak da penink ngan sistem UiTM skunk nie..

ehmm... sabar je la...mesti ada hikmah di sebalik suma nie...

income? haha.. skit hr lg ak bleyh jana RM1k dgn izin Allah..

kalu ak bt keja ni iklas tuk nk didik ank bgsa, anything can happen..

bg ak, ak pegang kt motto ni : usaha+doa+restu+twakal=success!!

kawan? ak x prangai man skunk nie..

ak pon bkn bek sgt..dok kta kt org dkat blkg tp kt dya lg trowk prngai...

n then bt bnda yg sama..ak x kta ak bek...ak pon pnh bt bnda yg sma...

tp dpt taw bnda yg skit ati dr kawan sndri yg ckp, pergh...menusuk kalbu
 

xpala...maybe depa lbh bhgia klu bt cm 2,,,they deserve it..

ak xdak hak nk halang...Allah ada...He knows everything..

bahagia @ sebaliknya?

pertemuan pertama kali ak dan dia adalah di alam maya, alam siber yang penuh penipuan..tetapi ak percaya dengan kuasa Tuhan..ada hikmah disebalik kejadian..

doa ak sejak dari form 5 dikabulkan ketika ak di matrix.. perjanjian ak dan sahabat baek ku spya x mncri lg lelaki y ang sering menipu dan memperdaya dengan kata2 manis yang blh mmbuatkn sesetengah wanita jatuh tnpa fikir akibatnya...

disebabkn rasa kecewaku terhadap sesorang, ak mencari kebahagian di alam maya semula...tidak ku sangka, ada lagi manusia yang menerima ak seadanya...walaupun ak sdah memungkiri janji shabatku, hati dan persaan x boleyh dimainkn..

langkah pertama dimulakan dengan miss call, lama-kelamaan msg n next kol...hbs kdt ak 10rgt just for 1 nyte...selang 3 hr x contact, ht mnjd brat, rndoo nk msg, rndoo nk dgr suara..egoku tpksa dkorbankn akhirnya..msg btnya kabar dan sebagainya...ayat rindoo menjadi rngn kluar dr jari jemari ku...apakah...

hah! ego! x nmpk pon...lpas ak mnjd shabt selaa 2 mggu, ak cerita my appearance, how was i looked like, he said, its ok for him.. ak da mnjadi biasa ngan ayat2 mcm tu..da jd lali...at last jmpe mst lari? y shud ppl just like this? its ok...mst bkn jodoh ak agaknya...ak taw tuhan selalu bt sumething with reasons...

pertemuan pertama kami di stesyen bus butterworth.. dating dkat bus stop? haha =) sape sngka... first impression meet him..."uish, mamat ni awat selekeh sgt, pkai tracksuit"...kna tgur ngan housemate...jgn memilih...bru terpikir, ak ni pon bknya cantek sgt nk judge org tambah2 nk memilih kn...??

dun be shocked! first i meet him...i feel like flying in  the air...his eyes ...my heart feel...huh...his voice, his care...huh...sweet memory cannot be erased..

guess what? this guy x lari as i expected..engatkn x nk kol @ tgur ag da pastu... pas trun dr bus waiting my parents, he call me..then, i feel like...y dis guy x muncul dr dlu lg? so, i will not b like this..sek buang air mata ja bla lelaki bt lari...ehmmm~

now..almost 3 years...lot of things happen.. cam na? ak rsa mcm ada sumething wrong with this relationship..y? instinct ak slaloo ckp yg dya ada pmpuan lain...ak x taw y ppl means women still nk approach @ nk ngendeng2 kt dya even they know the truth? 

ok! sejujurnya mmg ak cemburu, tp siapa x rasa perasaan yg sama? cinta jarak jauh, 1 difficult thing n challenging kowt... lot of things..one moment bla this "Shima", menangis2 minx cple with him...how do u feel if u know it? comment on frenster on that moment, msg...huh? whats that means...

feel like to kill urself...one moment ak da decide nk bnuh dri, but think of my parents y shud i? im not really stupid..my parents send me here not for him, for my future and for them..

now, i feel like in the middle..happy? @ not? i dun know? how shud i decide this? Ya Allah, tolonglah beri hidayah kepada hambamu ini...dengan dugaan yang kau berikan ini, permudahkanlah setiap urusanku didunia dan diakhirat..ak thu, setiap duggan ni, kau selitkan hikmah dsebaliknya..tp ringanknlh beban ini ya Allah,. ak x mampu nk menghadapinya lagi...Aminnnn....

gitar oh gitar~

sebut psal gitar, terbang dwet ak hampir2 rm200...minat pnya psai...da lma ak bhasrat nk bli gitar...dlu bajet x ckop..skunk nie..bleyhla cket2...klu mak aktaw...ak xtaw la dya nk kta pa kn...ehmm...no comment..

mula2 ak bguru ngan intenet..pergh ssh gak la...da la xataw pa...taw petik ja..skunk nie da bleyh cket2...tmbh2 lak bguru ngan Doin...bleyh tahan doin men...cayaq la pompuan2 yg follow ak time p blajaq gitar...haha

lg2 doin men sambey nyanyi, ak yg dengaq pon bleyh jth hati...haha xbleyh2...ak nk menuntut ilmu ja..pas blajaq dr doin trus da bleyh men bnyk lgu...cam ada daulat tu...haha la nie ak da bleyh men u belong with me, fearless, teardrops on my guitar, im yours, sandaran hati (kowt) x engat la lgu dya n bengang.. teringin nk men more than words, rp doin kta ssh..ak pon rs ssh gak la...

ak x men plucking, ak men strumming.. tp cm ssh jgak la mla2...skunk nie da bleyh da sket....hehe

~ ni la guitar ak..hehe capo x buh pon..~

dok cita psai gitar, mnggu nie perghh...dugaan weyh,,,dugaan... mcm2 jd kat ak...tp last2 ada sumething yg ak blajaq la...ehm...tmbh2 sdeyh la...mmg sdeyh mggu nie...nk wat cam na this is my fate,,,life must go on...even it is very painful...

mlm ni blik umh...rinduu sama kcg2 ak..haha plus nk blik bli brg abg ak yg nk kawen,,huh! letih2,,,xpa2 tuk mamt tu sorang ak bt jela...cian kt mak ak...ehmm... da larut ptg da nie...nantok kowt...nk p beradu lu...papai..hehe,,

bengang!!!!!!

da lama ak x update blog nie...akhir2 ni mlas la pulak nk update...nk kata bnyak keja, x la jugak..tp skali bnyak mmg sgt2 bz...smpai tensen kowt...

sjak akhir2 nie ak xtaw wut happen dgn ak...badmood? 4 wut? kdg2 jadi tekilan dgn org yg hipokrit...ak x phm la org mcm nie kdg2..bnda yg bleyh dielak x maw elak...da tguq tp bknya nk dengaq...ckp ak bsing la apala...last2 duk mengata kat blkng...sakit tlinga ak dgq...x payah la duk mengata sgt kt org...nanti mkn daging sdara sndri kowt kt akhirat....tpulanglah pikiaq sndri....bknya bdk2 lg....

ak plak asek tensen kat prangai bf ak yg kdg2 bt hal...ak taw im not so perfect 4 him...ak pon ada gak prasaan...kdg2 dya treat ak cam xdak prasaan...bek x yah kaple...kdg2 ak pk gak..mayb ni slh ak..kdg2 ak kn ska bt hal...ak mlsla nk slhkn org...slhkn je la dri sndri...let them think they ryte till one day they will relize it whose wrong n whose not...x yah lah ak nk mendoakn bnda2 x bek tuk dpa kn...tuhan ada...

ehmm...ni mslh nk blik umh lak...last2 mnt tket hbs...pdn mka ak...bt kja last mntkn...haha...ehmm..jiran ak yg agk b*** ni mmg mlut jht..ada lak bleyh pnggl mak ak mkn kndri umh dya time dya bt knduri? klu knduri arwah tu x kesah ar sgt, ni knduri kawen.... mcm bodoh gila...bknya bdk2...tapi org tua!! da nk mampos dah!! bleyh plak ckp kat mak ak "kak, kalu nmpak nasi kat dpn umh tu maila mkn..mai mkn ja.. x swuh bt keja  pon".. mcm b*** x? kalu kna kat mak owg len mst da mgamuk...ak dgq rsa nk nangis ja... wei!!!! hg engat hg bguih sgt ka weyh???!!! tua nk mampoih dah...x yah la duk prangai bdk2!!! nk jadi muda x yah la weyh!! hg tu suma da kenduq!! x dak pa da...xyah ar nk lwn2 ngan ak...sekadar misi gariq ja pon....bodoh!!

sakit ati gak ar....suma org hipokrit...blkng ckp len bt len...tgk ar blik t...mmg ak sound dpn2 ar...ak da x larat nk hormat cam nie...hormat depa xdpt pa pon...dpt bnda skit ht lg adala....siap la blik t.....

ak da mrh2 cm nie mls nk go on tlis ag...kang bnda pelik2 plak yg kuaq...so better ak out dlu...chow chi chow!!!